Once again I find myself disappointed by love. For one whole month I was lied to. For one whole month they made me believe we were onto something special.
What a fool I was. Again. Hope really is a dangerous thing.
It is my fault though. I went completely against my past convictions: I had expectations. I projected myself into the future with her. Not even a distant future: just a few months in which we would go to certain festivals and such. But still, I made projects in my head, I assumed we would stay together for at least that time. I really believed it.
No need to say my position on love is stronger now than ever.
I’m not made for this.
I received a couple of days ago a comment in my latest post Drugs part 2, the comment is in French, and anonymous. It translates to this:
Or just to perpetrate your lies?
We know who you are, and to what extent you lie…
You hurt others, compulsively.
You never needed drugs.
You never needed alcohol.
Only your lies which feed the monster inside of you.
You were drugged, you were drunk, and you were happy and curious because of that…
Today you are but a bunch of lies hiding under a cover of superiority.
We will find you, know that your rest will be short, Guy!
Death, she, will probably be envious.
Here’s my answer:
First of all, who are you? Are you such a coward that you have to hide under anonymity? Are you afraid of me?
No memory of what? What lies? Sure, I’ve lied before… To the people I don’t trust. Sure, I’ve harmed people before, but it was never intentional. Sometimes we hurt others in our quest towards our life objectives.
I am quite the monster according to you. What have I done to you? I’m intruiged. I still am happy and curious. I satisfied my curiosity for alcohol and drugs to the point that I know it just isn’t worth it.
Cover of superiority? I can tell already that I’m superior to you. I am not afraid, I don’t allow others to hurt me, my happiness depends entirely of me… But yours… You seem to be the kind of fragile and deeply rancorous person who spend their lives regretting other’s choices while never questioning your own. You’re the kind of person I’ve already met, the kind of person who always put themselves in the position of victim, whose misfortune is never their fault, but the fault of others, of society.
Find me then, so that I can look at you in the eye, and find there your fears, your weaknesses, your doubts, your open wounds. Then I’ll hurt you, but this time, intentionally.
What will Death be envious of? Probably of what I’m going to do to you if you come to my door.
I live in Poitiers. Come look for me.
What do you guys think?
You guys remember my post about drugs right?
Here’s a little more concerning alcohol.
It’s been two months since I’ve stopped drinking alcohol. I still drink alcoholic beverages from time to time but in general it is just to taste the drink. I’ll take a sip of some fine wine or some expensive whiskey anytime. But not a whole drink. Also, I decided to not spend any money on alcohol whatsoever. People around me (roommates and friends mostly) are for the most heavy drinkers. And they all encourage me to start drinking again. Last weekend they even convinced me to drink a shitload of beer (3 fucking liters) and in exchange I wouldn’t pay for anything that day (I’m broke). Read the rest of this entry »