Balance and movement.

There is a certain connotation of immobility to the concept of Balance. When we say someone is balanced we are struck with an image of perfect equilibrium, of a sphere perfectly balanced atop a needle.

For me, this characteristic is anti-satanic. 

The Satanist is in an eternal state of oscillation. He changes and adapts, he moves and relocates himself in order to adapt to the never ending chaos that is existence. Balance only works in a balanced world. Alas, our world isn’t. 

Our world is ever changing. It moves chaotically and erratically according to an infinity of variables, well beyond our measurement. And since we cannot predict the changes of our world, the best we can do is become masters of our oscillation. The laws of nature proved to us that it is the creature that adapts the fastest and best to its ever-changing environment, that lives the longest and survives to further evolve.

The Satanist should strive to be that perfect being of nature. Unfazed by the chaos around him, he should swiftly adapt to its new environment, and make it his once again, until nature tests him once again.

Satanists are oscillators, not balancists. 


Satanic Obsession.

I’m becoming more and more obsessed with being an adversary, an opposer. The Satan inside me pushes me to constantly question and contradict everything. I cannot read something without thinking “well that might not be true”.

This is both positive and negative:

The positive:

Being often faced with opportunities to oppose something that is preconceived as true/good/correct has enhanced my rhetoric and thought process over the years. It has taught me to take care of having hermetically constructed arguments. It has taught me to think a lot, to think for myself and to make abstraction of all preconceived things. It has heightened my understanding of the nature of truth itself.

I’m also more open-minded and critically thinking than I was before. I’ll accept any idea if you are able to prove it’s true (and I can’t respond/contradict it).

The negative:

I’m obsessed with opposing everything. I am in most cases unable to hear or read a statement/fact without at some point trying to question its veracity (unless it’s out of my knowledge area). This has cost me a lot during social encounters. I cannot hold a conversation without turning it into a debate; this causes people to end the conversation quickly, as a debates are not usually welcomed by casual encounters. This is the source of much frustration. From a social point of view, it is frustrating as I just killed a conversation. And from a adversarial point of view, it is frustrating as well as it became a one sided way-too-short debate without any real outcome.

On top of that none of my old friends want to hold debates with me any more since “I’m always right”. Which is not necessarily true, but I surely have better ways to present my arguments than them, as I’m faced with that all day, but they aren’t.

It also becomes increasingly frustrating to be really ignorant when it comes to scientific matters. I’m far from knowing stuff in science, which is utterly necessary for someone who likes debates.

On a final note, I admit that I rather have debates than post things on this blog. But the former doesn’t happen as often as I would like it to.

I call this the Satanic Obsession as it is Satanic to be adversarial, to be an opposer, but it has become obsessive: it enhances my intellect, but damages my social life.


11 things I answered about my religion

Originally from Bay Witch Musings “11 Things to Answer about your Religion”

Where do my religious beliefs arise from (in my life)? Were they taught to me as a child? Did I discover them as an adult? Have I developed them on the basis of personal experiences–are they a positive or negative reaction to events in my life? Have they been developed from books or other people’s experiences?

It all started when I was 14 years old. The night of that year’s spring equinox, Azazel, the Sun Demon, came to me on my dreams. He showed me visions of my previous lives, and told me that I am as a God, like he and many others. He told me I was bound to achieve great things during this life, and that I could get whatever I wanted with enough willpower and knowledge. His last words during that dream were « You’ll find knowledge there where no one dares looking at. What is hidden shall reveal to you if you search deep enough. ». That’s how I started researching the occult, magic, and alternative religions. As I kept advancing, I kept executing rituals. And as the complexity rose, the intensity of the experiences did as well. After some years I had met Demons, Gods, spirits of the dead, and other astral creatures of all sorts. My beliefs are based entirely in my experiences, and the things I’ve learnt from these.

What is the purpose of my personal religion/spirituality (its beliefs and practices)? How do they add or detract to my inherent qualities—in my relationships with my family, with my community, with the world at large? Do the actions of my religious practices respect the individuality and autonomy of others?  How do I measure the worth of my beliefs and practices?  How do I decide to accept/reject and/or adopt/discard a particular religious or spiritual idea or practice?

Satanism is about the self. The sole purpose is to empower, spiritually and materially, myself. Satanism has made me understand who does and who does not deserve interaction with me. Hopelessly close-minded people are not worth my time, even if they are family. I might have disturbed neighbours during the night because of my rituals, but they haven’t manifested anything. Until they do, I’m going to assume they haven’t heard anything.

When it comes to practice, I never discard anything until I try it (unless it has heavy legal implications). As a general rule I will try a ritual a few times before discarding it as not working for me.

What is the basic nature of divinity? Is it one(monotheistic), many separate and distinctly unique literal entities (hard polytheism), the universe in its entirety (pantheism), male and female divine forces (duotheism), as multiple figurative personalities that originate from one, or two, or several entities (soft polytheism)? As the very fabric from which the cosmos is formed?  As a wishful or even deluded thinking? As none of these…or several of them…or something that is impossible to say?

There are many Gods in the Astral Plane. The four main Gods I believe in are Satan, Beelzebub, Ashtaroth and Azazel. Each human being has a divine spark within as well. We are like Gods, our souls are alike in nature, but at a much smaller scale. However we are capable of empowering our soul.

How is divinity expressed in the universe? (do the gods act directly? is there no action by gods? is there a “force”of some sort? etc…) What is the underlying nature of existence? (is everything alive? does everything have a spirit? a soul? why or why not? which things? ) Does our existence serve a greater purpose? How so? What is sacred? What is not sacred?

The Gods act by subtly influencing the forces of the universe. They can act on their own will or at request.

The soul is a self-producing core of energy, bound together by a consciousness, a mind. However there are different kinds of souls: Gods have Divine souls, who depend only on spiritual energy to subsist. Animals have Mundane souls, who depend only on material energy to subsist. We humans are a hybrid. We depend on spiritual energy as much as we depend on material energy. Our animal body and divine spirit are the cause of this.

The sacredness of something is decided by the practitioner alone, and his connection to the object/concept. In my case, my altar and the tools on it, as well as my symbols, prayers rituals, and my necklace as well, are all sacred.

What are my religious practices? Do they work?  How do my actions, prayers, rituals, etc effect change (and where do they do so–within, without, etc)? What mechanism do I have to explain this? What is the purpose of these practices–celebration, thanksgiving, blessing, etc? Are there particular days or times where these practices take place?  Do they need to be performed in a certain manner or at a certain location?   Is there particular clothing or equipment that is needed?

I practice some sort of prayer, which are more like compact, quick rituals, and generally rituals that may include meditation, writing, burning the things I wrote, singing, chanting, praying, crafting, etc. Though only some of them have an effect outside of myself, most, if not all, have an effect within. To affect the world outside of myself, the rituals exert a certain subtle force on the variables of the universe, to make the desired outcome have a higher probability of happening.

Usually rituals happen during the night, and more often than not I use my ritual tools, which include an athame, a mortar, a chalice, tarot cards, a pendulum, candles, a gong, and stones. The manner in which the rituals are carried out depends on the kind of ritual, its purpose and my own laziness.

What is forbidden and/or encouraged in your faith? Do you feel that there are actions, events, or items that are forbidden because they are considered to be an affront or transgression against divinity? If so, why? What are they? Is there a method to achieve forgiveness, make restitution, or otherwise be absolved from one’s actions?  What about actions, events, or items that are proscribed because they cause harm?  What is the role of “harm” in choosing right or wrong action?  Is there are punishment for these actions?  Are there actions, events, or items that are preferred or required by divinity?

The only thing that is forbidden in my Satanism is having a moment of weakness and not do anything about it. Being weak is not forbidden. Not trying to become stronger is. Use this vague statement as your creativity wants. Transgressing divinity is hard in Satanism, as most Gods don’t give a shit about what you do. Some don’t even care being disrespected purposefully. There is nothing to be absolved from. There is no sin in Satanism. There’s nothing to be forgiven for. Your actions are a manifestation of your Will and you should never be ashamed of them. There is no divine punishment/retribution in Satanism.

What is the role of science and nature in your spiritual and religious beliefs? What is our relationship with other animals?  What is is our relationship with the planet or planetary systems?  What is our relationship with the rest of the Cosmos?  If there is life on other planets (statistically is seems likely), how does that impact your religious and spiritual beliefs?  Is the material sacred?  How does our physical place in the material world relate to our relationship with the divine?   What should our actions be towards the natural world if they are to reflect our religious beliefs?

Animals have a different soul than us. Not inferior, not superior. Just different. Planets are big chunks of things. Their composition may or may not have an energetic influence on us. There is probably life on other planets. Statistics are not always right, but for this it does seem pretty logical. The material is sacred in Satanism. After all, we humans are as much divine as we are mundane. So both sides of the coin should be maintained equally.

What is the role of culture and history in your spiritual and religious beliefs? Do you need your beliefs validated textually or to share a lineage with pre-existing beliefs?  Are you seeking to reconstruct (as historically accurate as possible) a religion from an ancient culture in a modern world (a reconstructionist)? Or are you seeking to revive the religions of ancient cultures in a modern context (a revivalist)? Or, are you simply inspired by a pantheon or mythology of an ancient cultures, from a modern interpretation without much concern for the historical context (I call this one an “inspirationalist”)?  Do you believe that a culture’s mythos, symbology, beliefs, and practices should be approached singularly and on their own terms?  Do you seek to seamlessly blend two systems into single system that works harmoniously together or to do you find the different bits and pieces of a myriad of peoples to fit together in your own life like pieces of  a puzzle??

In my beliefs, culture and history are vague references, but what matters the most is the personal experience of the practitioner and his direct communication with their Gods.

What is the role of mythos in our lives?  Is myth meant to be literal? Figurative? Inspirational?  Do you feel the Eddas? The Vedas? Odysseus? Myths from Olympus? Or tales from Eire? Perhaps its the story of humanity, or a specific culture, or something a bit more Big History–Book of Nature/the Universe, or  the Story of Mankind?   Are you attracted to/inspired by a particular set of spiritual myths or a particular culture’s beliefs and practices?  Which myths speak to you the loudest, and why?  What lessons do you think you can learn from them? What do they tell you, or how do they inspire you?

There are not really any mythos in my own Satanism. The Gods and Demons don’t talk much about their past. But when they do, it’s literal, usually.

Is there such a thing as fate?  Is there such a thing as free will?  What is the balance of fate vs free will in predetermination of our destinies (singularly and/or collectively)? How is fate and/or free will governed? Is there a way to change the balance of fate or free will at play in our lives?  How are we judged in our action or inaction?  What is the repercussion for a “wrong” actions or inaction?  What is the reward for “right” action or inaction?  How does fate and free will balance with ideas of “karma” (in whatever manner one chooses to interpret that word)?

Fate doesn’t exist. It’s all variables and most probable outcome. Magic and ritual help us influence these variables to help us reach a desired outcome.

As I said before, in my Satanism there is no divine punishment or retribution of any kind.


What happens when we die? What is the religious/spiritual importance of death or after-death? How does one ensure a good death? A good afterlife (or after-death)?  Do the dead play in a role your religious beliefs and practices? How does one “pick” the departed that they include? Is ancestry important in your beliefs and practices (who “counts” as an ancestor, how do you venerate ancestors, why)? What is the role of those that have come before us in our lives, spiritually or otherwise?  Do you “owe” the departed (ancestors or not) anything as part of your practice?

The Demons and spirits of the Dead I’ve met all told me there are three things that happen after death:

Firstly, if at the moment of death your mind and Will were too weak, there’s a high chance your soul will dissipate and make one with the universe.

Secondly, if at the moment of death, your mind/consciousness is able to maintain the energy core bound, then you can chose to reincarnate into another human being, or abandon your divine spark and reincarnate into an animal.

Thirdly, you can also chose (if not dissipated) to stay in the Astral Plane, where the spirits of the Dead and the Gods/Demons wander.


Who is Satan? A closer look to my personal pantheon.

I am part of the Satanists that believe Satan is Enki. But it goes further than that.

I am not an ideological fanatic like Joy of Satan kind of Satanists are. I don’t despise nor hate Christians. In fact, I pity the Catholic Church for failing so miserably at attempting to prevent humanity to reach their godhood. I would not go and say that Christians stole Sumerian concepts and mythos, but they sure got a good deep breath of inspiration from it.

There is clearly a correlation between some of the things that happen in the Bible and things written in the old Sumerian Tablets.This and a lot of UPG showed me there are quite high chances that things we find in the Bible are reinterpretations/modifications/distortions on things found written on the Sumerian tablets.

And when looking closely we can find certain resemblance between Enki and Satan, and some of God’s actions seem to copy some of Enlil’s action. Which is problematic, as my UPG leads me to believe Enlil is Beelzebub. Then again God’s actions are inspired from myriad mythologies from all around the world, and that is why maybe he is so incoherent and full of contradiction.

My pantheon is formed as following:

Satan (Enki), Beelzebub (Enlil), Ashtaroth (Inanna) and Azazel (Shamash) are my 4 main Gods. I come to them when I’m in need of enlightenment in important areas of my life or when I’m in deep shit.

I am not a worshipper. I don’t worship. My relationship with my Gods is of mutual respect, and certainly admiration. I am thankful to them. Loyalty, sure. But devotion and adoration? No. I have nothing against worship, adoration and devotion. But I don’t feel them. I feel like a brother to the Gods. A tiny young brother. And if Azazel’s words are true, I’m far from wrong. I am a God, just like them, I’m just far from reaching my soul’s full potential. And perhaps I won’t reach it in this life, but in subsequent ones.

Then there’s the “lesser” Gods. And they’re not “lesser” to me, since they have helped me immensely in my life and path.

My two protector demons are Orobas and Haures. During ritual I keep their two sigils close so I can more easily call upon them in case I need some kind of protection. Fortunately this has not happened yet.

There’s a demon I’ve took a (social) liking to, he is Raum. We communicate regularly. He’s the only Demon whose voice I can hear so clearly that it feels I’m talking with another human being in front of me.

Is there a hierarchy among my Gods? Maybe. My four main Gods don’t seem to be governors, but rather… References. They are more powerful than most other demons, though there are a few at their level. There is no real need for hierarchy in the other planes of existence. Things work very differently there and we can get glimpses of that world through OBE and Astral Projection.

They are simply the demons that are the most concerned about humanity’s sake, as they see us as one of them. Their world is full of ancient spirits that have been there for aeons. They look forward to have new Gods roaming around the Astral plane.

On a side note: I completed a consecration ritual for the gong, and during the ritual my Gods instructed me to name it “Falhim”. I have never heard of Gods naming the practitioner’s tools! Maybe this gong is going to have more use than I expected it to have.


My Relationship with Demons/Gods

Contacting Demons and other otherworldly beings is part of most Satanists that practice witchcraft in a regular basis. And while some believe these demons are part of our own mind, me and the other polytheist Satanists believe they are in fact separate entities with their own personalities.

The first demon I contacted was Raum. At first I used a pendulum over his sigil to allow him to take control of the pendulum. It worked pretty well. After a while, I started to use the pendulum as simply a bridge between our thoughts, so we could communicate through indirect telepathy. Raum is the only Demon I’ve seen physically. He appeared before me as a short man. Light skin, deep black hair. He wore a ram’s skull over his head (he seemed able to pull it down and it would be a mask, but I’m not so sure). he had wings with black and white feathers, much like a zebra’s skin. Raum doesn’t speak with a voice. I receive his thoughts directly. I know what he means without using the language system. He communicates through ideas. I consider Raum as a friend.

When Azazel came to me during my dream, he appeared as a silhouette made of light and music. I could see the music emanating from him. He talked with a slow, soft yet firm voice. His word choice was eloquent as well. After that, Azazel no longer appeared physically to me, but his presence and voice remain the same. Azazel for me is like a mentor. I come to him when I need help with my music, or just artistic introspection in general.

Volac is another demon I contacted once. He appeared before me as man riding a huge golden dragon with 2 heads. I treated him with respect and courtesy. He never replied, never talked. After my request was over and I thanked him, he flew away. In the end he doesn’t seem to have taken any action. Maybe he didn’t like me or my request, maybe I offended him in some way.

Ashtaroth answered my call only once or twice. I just remember her presence, and as Raum, communicates with ideas.

I have only contacted Beelzebub once. He is a very nice God, always trying to impart knowledge. He communicates by talking, but can also transmit ideas, images, thoughts, etc. He is very wise and would like everyone to be as wise as him.

The only time I felt Satan’s presence was when I did my dedication ritual. Red mist, powerful presence. I felt his power, and it was very intense. Satan for me is like a goal. Someone I want to become one day. A master of myself and my surroundings. Ruler of my own fate.

Some people love their gods. It is not the case for me. I don’t feel this love everyone feels for their gods. But I sure as hell admire them a lot. I have the soul of a God, and I intend to make my life here in Earth worthy of the soul I bear. Deep inside I am like them.


How I became a Satanist: Azazel, The Sun Demon.

So I guess it was time I told you guys how I became a Satanist.

I come for a Christian family. My dad’s side Catholic, my mother’s side Evangelist. Catholic family members weren’t too keen on practice or church going. You know, just have one small cross hanging near the door, some of them had cross necklaces, and sometimes pray before going to sleep. My Evangelist side was involved in more practice. Church every Sunday and stuff of the likes. My aunt was the president of the Evangelist congregation of the city.

Me? I was the little boy in the church that played with his GameBoy during mass. My mother wasn’t particularly religious so she didn’t care much. At about 9 years old I said I didn’t want to go to church any more. And my mother was ok with that. So I kind of became an atheist. Then at 14 years old I had an amazing dream. It was more than a dream, it was a vision.

Azazel visited me in my mind during my sleep. He showed me bits and pieces of previous lives. He told me I was bound to achieve great things, and that I had the soul of a God inside me. That anything I wanted, I could have it. He told me to gain knowledge and make my soul grow more powerful by “searching where no one ever dares to even look at”.

After that, researching, I stumbled across occultism, and looking for more information on Azazel, I found Satanism through the infamous Joy of Satan website. From there I took what I liked and what I did not, I threw away. Little by little; the more I understood Satanism, the more I felt drawn to it. The more it seemed to me the best path, since it was a path I made myself for myself.

I started practising some basic some basic witchcraft. The results were astounding. At that time I believed Azazel more than ever: I have the soul of a God. I could control my surroundings and those around me. Not only through witchcraft, but with more mundane methods as well. That’s why, for me, the divine and spiritual is of equal importance than the mundane and material. Then I did my dedication ritual, March 20th 2009.

The dedication ritual was an amazing experience. I finally was able to feel Satan and his power surrounding me. He was there in only a fraction of his full being, and even so it felt incredibly powerful.

My experience with Demons is somewhat varied. There is a specific demon I contacted regularly for money needs, Raum. I can tell you a lot of things about Raum, our conversations being lengthy and Raum itself being either very talkative or not being in the mood for it. Raum was a human, but the only thing he can remember is dying in a fire he started himself to kill his abusive parents. The hatred and rage was consumed in his own flames. The power of that hatred was such that upon death, his strong emotions ascended his soul into that of a demon. He took a liking of helping people get money.

I contacted Azazel many times, as he is a patron demon for artists and specifically musicians. Since the dream though, he has been very quiet. I guess he told me what he had to tell me. He has helped me become a somewhat good singer in very little time.

Many demons though, don’t answer the call. Raum says that lower ranked demons aren’t powerful enough to either answer many calls at the same time, or sometimes don’t want to help for X or Y reason. Demons have almost human-like personalities. Or at least most of the lesser demons. I’ve had issues contacting Ashtaroth also, not many successful summons. Apparently she is a very busy Goddess, but I ignore how demonic society works. Beelzebub is a very old God, very far away from a human-like personality. He is amused by how our society works, he finds it “primitive and illogical”. However he is convinced Truth and Reason will slowly emerge and our society will advance, even at a slow pace.

I never contact Satan himself, because I want to prove to him that Azazel was right, and I can be as powerful as a God. As powerful as Satan himself. The only time I contacted him was not long ago. It was an emergency: It had been a year since I started looking for a job. I had no more money, nothing to eat. And all it took was a prayer. A frigging prayer. No ritual, no formalities. I simply on my knees before my altar and said “Satan, please. Help me find a job. I need it now more than ever.” Two days later I got a call for a job. No interview, no nothing. Directly to be hired.

That’s when I retook this blog and started posting again.

Fucking hell, Satan, I still got a frigging long way to go to be like you.


What IS an altar? + a photo of mine.

There are two kind of altars. Devotional altars and functional altars.
A devotional altar is a sacred space dedicated entirely to one or many deities. There is usually a figurine or image representing that deity. In it you place the offerings, prayers and stuff for that deity. It can be simple or heavily ornameted. Ornaments can be permanent, or can be changed according to festivities and specific moments during the year.

I don’t have a devotional altar. The only thing that’s worth my devotion is myself, and my body and mind are my devotional altar. I take care of myself.

Then there’s the functional altar: this is the altar in which you do all the rituals and spiritual/energy workings. In it you place your tools. The tools can also represent a plethora of things, like elemental energies or specific concepts. Here’s a photo of my functional altar:

image

My altar

I don’t go about the usual symbolism of the tools:
The athame (ritual dagger) symbolises air, but more importantly, it is a symbol of direction, of attack, of an action that has a specific target to it.
The chalice symbolises water, but also is a symbol of containing, memory, knowledge and wisdom. It’s a recipient that’s constantly learning, and can never be filled. It’s by proxy a symbol of the mind.
The mortar and pestle is a symbol of earth, but more importantly, it’s a symbol of alchemy, of mixing, experimentation, the natural cycle, curiosity.
The candles represent fire, but also light, transformation, energy, rebirth, destruction. To be consumed by fire means rebirth into a new form.
Then there’s the pendulum and the tarot cards. The pendulum is a symbol of duality, of two poles with an infinity of nuances in between.

The stones at the top are a Quartz (symbol of light, of that which is transparent, clear, easy to see), Lapiz Lazuli (it’s a symbol of myself), and Obsidian (symbol of that which is hidden, the truth that has to be throughly searched for in order to be found).